When I would say, as a child, "I'm trying my best!" I am a 47 year old woman who was raised by a toxic mom. I think I'm tired of all this. As a therapist who helps adults cope with their toxic parents, one of the biggest barriers I see is that adult children feel like they can’t make their own decisions; they think they have to keep doing things as they’ve always done them (the way their parents want them to).Toxic parents can make your life miserable. You can find scripts, scenarios and many different recommendations to follow to make confrontation successful.Knowing that is definitely not an excuse for your toxic parents, but it is a good thing to know – especially to understand the bigger picture, but even more to not continue toxic behavior with your own children and other important relationships in your life.Verbal abuse is as damaging as physical abuse, and in some cases, it does even more damage to a child. I know it’s a very painful situation and I hope you can get the help and support you deserve.I feel so alone, but would rather that than be emotionally manipulated and controlled all the time. Toxic parents breed toxic adults, but adults who are excellent at arguing. I crave independence. I really wish you all could just stop all this, yes there are “toxic” people but those are not the MAJORITY! They are only trying to make their child become a better person, or teach them how to deal with the cruel world.Direct control of children involves intimidation, it’s often humiliating, and a child’s feelings get to be completely subordinated to the feelings and demands of a parent.A child has no way to survive on their own. Acts of pre-biased gifting, praise, or attention occur. Instead of seeing these natural social dynamics and a part of healthy relationship building, the children of toxic parents match any adversity with anger, irrationality, or total seclusion. I couldn’t seem to break away and just have a life of my own. If you know how your parents are going to try to rope you in, figure out a few polite escapes beforehand. to figure out what is "wrong" with Us. But that’s one thing inadequate parents are not capable of.In confrontation, your job is to hold on to your reality and make sure you don’t get pushed back into reactive and defensive patterns, no matter what your parents do.When toxic parents control a child in an intense, intimidating, guilt-producing way, there are only two potential responses left – either you capitulate or rebel. Getting out of that space and into the fresh air allows you to heal, no pulmonary therapy necessary.Relationships with toxic parents can be summed up easily...Trying to reconnect or 'fix' the relationship is futile until the abusive party can acknowledge their behavior. I have 2 daughters that acted like fools and the timing was bad and I yelled at 1 of them, so she completely stopped talking.
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